Emotional Damage and Dollar Store Bribes: How Two Generations Learned to Avoid Their Feelings (and What It Means for Leadership Today)
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THE SHITTY LEADERSHIP SERIES - FREE SHIT TO READ
While casually scrolling through social media last week, I stumbled upon a cartoon video that humorously referenced these two generations. It immediately piqued my interest, sparking a journey of research and introspection that I'm excited to share with you.
Let's talk parenting—and no, not in the "gentle parenting TikTok" way, but in the gritty, hilarious, uncomfortable truth of how two wildly different generational mindsets managed to raise a whole bunch of emotionally scrambled adults who now lead meetings, raise kids, send passive-aggressive emails, and sometimes cry in their car to Celine Dion.
We're talking about the difference between:
Ah, yes, the two emotional development plans brought to you by Guilt and Suppression.
Option 1: The 'Buy You Something' Generation
This approach came from guilt, exhaustion, and a deep fear of public tantrums. Instead of dealing with hard feelings, we were handed toys, snacks, and distractions. A skillful ploy I started using around age 5 with both my parents. If I scream the place down at Bi-Way or Canadian Tire, a treat follows.
Do you have big emotions? Here, have a Happy Meal. Crying in the checkout line? Congratulations, you now own a bouncy ball and a juice box.
The lesson? Discomfort should be solved externally.
As adults, this generation often copes with emotions by chasing shiny things—validation, likes, Amazon carts, overwork, whatever. Emotional regulation? Nah, just check your bank statement or scroll TikTok until anxiety disappears.
Option 2: The 'Cry and I'll Give You Something' Generation
This parenting method came from the steel-toed school of "suck it up." Crying meant weakness, and emotions were unsafe. Vulnerability? Please, that's for people with time.
The result? Adults who don't process emotions—they suppress them until they explode, usually over something dumb like an overcooked steak or someone breathing too loudly in the office.
They call it strength, but it's repression with a decent poker face. And under that stoicism? A giant ball of unprocessed rage and childhood longing.
So, What's the Real Difference?
One group was bribed out of emotional discomfort.
The other was threatened out of it.
Neither was taught how to sit with their feelings.
And now? They're running companies, leading teams, raising families, and avoiding emotions like a stoic panel interview.
What's This Got to Do with Shitty Leadership?
Everything.
Because the boardroom is now filled with people who either:
1. Can't take feedback without crumbling into performative guilt and self-deprecating humour
2. Or treat feedback like an attack, get defensive, and retaliate like a caffeinated porcupine
Both are signs of emotional immaturity disguised as "leadership style." For instance, a leader who can't handle constructive criticism without feeling attacked and retaliating or who uses intimidation to maintain control are examples of emotional immaturity in leadership.
Shitty leadership isn't just incompetence. It's emotionally stunted decision-making in a power position. It's a lack of self-awareness, poor coping mechanisms, and the inability to deal with uncomfortable conversations without ghosting, gaslighting, or giving everyone a headache.
If you've ever had a boss who was more fragile than your grandma's wine glasses—or led through intimidation because they mistook fear for respect—you've seen this play out in real time.
And What About Self-Leadership? (AKA: For the Non-Bosses Out There)
Look, this isn't just for CEOs or people with LinkedIn bios.
Emotional accountability is everyone's job.
Self-leadership means:
1. Learning to regulate your reactions so you don't emotionally bleed on people who didn't cut you
2. Recognizing your coping mechanisms (yes, even the "wine and online shopping" combo)
3. Understanding when you're playing the victim in your narrative
You don't need a title to be a shitty leader in your own life. If your egos are in charge and if you're outsourcing your self-worth, or if you're still blaming your parents for your inability to have a tough conversation—surprise! You're not off the hook.
The Point?
We've all inherited some pretty flawed emotional blueprints.
But now? You're the architect.
You either keep patching up the house with duct tape or renovate.
It's not about blaming how you were raised. It's about choosing not to lead others (or yourself) from the same emotionally bankrupt playbook. It's about taking control of your emotional development and leading from a place of strength and self-awareness.
So, whether you were bribed, threatened, or raised by wolves—Book 4 of The Shitty Leadership Series is here to help you unpack your emotional carry-on, stop the self-sabotage, and finally lead from a place that doesn't reek of insecurity. Shameless Plug #2 - The Shitty Leadership Series starting with Book 1, can absolutely help retrain your thinking, release the shitty and start you on your own path to self-awareness leadership. And, you can now go and buy yourself that treat at BiWay.
Welcome to the upgrade.