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The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of Your Ego

Unmasking the Inner Jackass Before It Wrecks Your Leadership Brand

By Mark Robinson | Shitty Leadership Series, Vol. IV

Let's get one thing straight: if you think you don't have an ego, your ego is currently writing that sentence for you.

The ego—Latin for "I," though most people use it more like "ME ME ME"—is the loud inner project manager who thinks it's running a TED Talk while forgetting it's actually on probation.

But here's the kicker: the ego isn't always a flaming dumpster fire. Sure, it gets a bad rap—often deserved, sometimes just for showing up uninvited on LinkedIn with a motivational quote and a six-pack of delusion. But sometimes? It helps. It gets us out of bed, demands a raise we barely believe we deserve, and stops us from crying on Zoom—just long enough for one of our pugs (a.k.a. the lovable farting potatoes we call emotional support) to bulldoze our ring light and fart their way through what's left of our self-respect.

So, let's explore the ego: the good, the bad, and the "Oh god, did I speak out loud in a meeting?"

The Good: Your Ego Isn't Always a Trainwreck

Let's give credit where credit's due. Your ego can be an asset—when it isn't hijacking your personality like an emotionally insecure raccoon with a megaphone.

According to Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research, the healthy ego helps us "assert our needs without aggression." (Neff, 2011)

That's right—assertiveness, boundaries, and owning our power without being a corporate tyrant? That's ego, used correctly.

Healthy ego:

  • Speaks up in meetings.

  • Takes initiative.

  • Leads projects with direction.

  • Says "no" without a panic attack.

Unhealthy ego:

  • Monologues for 17 minutes about synergy.

  • Forwards passive-aggressive calendar invites.

  • Thinks they're mentoring someone by giving them unsolicited life advice in the lunchroom over microwave fish.

The Bad: When Ego Thinks It's the Main Character

The ego loves driving. It just sucks at checking the blind spots.

When left unobserved, the ego becomes the invisible puppeteer of your worst professional habits. You're not "leading." You're micromanaging because, deep down, you're terrified someone else might be right.

Tara Brach puts it perfectly: "The ego wants to protect itself by pretending it is separate, superior, and in control." (Brach, 2003)

The bad ego:

  • Mistakes control for competence.

  • Reacts instead of reflects.

  • Makes everything personal—even the Wi-Fi going out.

  • Needs credit like it needs oxygen.

The Ugly: When Ego Becomes the Cult Leader of Your Personality

Here, you're no longer reacting to reality—you're reacting to the story your ego told you about reality.

Brad Blanton, author of Radical Honesty, pulls no punches: "The ego is a socially acceptable image you've created of yourself to survive in society, and it's total bullshit." (Blanton, 1994)

The Ugly Ego:

  • Assumes malicious intent when someone disagrees.

  • Sees accountability as an attack.

  • Builds narratives faster than Netflix builds crime documentaries.

  • Believes everyone else is the problem.

When your ego starts managing your relationships, communication turns into manipulation, meetings become stages, and feedback feels like betrayal.

So… What Now? Give Your Ego a Job Description

Your ego isn't the villain. It's a character. A mouthy, insecure one that you hired because you didn't want to feel anything real. But you can train it. Direct it. Even put it on a leash.

It's all about this moment when you realize your ego has been sneaking into your life's driver's seat, and it's time to take back the wheel—not with rage, but with recognition.

Learning to guide your ego looks like this:

  • Ask yourself, "Is this true, or is it just my pride talking?"

  • Getting curious instead of reactive.

  • Admitting you don't know everything (even if you're a VP).

  • Not needing to be the smartest person in the room—and being okay with that.

Final Word: Ego Isn't the Enemy. Delusion Is.

The second you stop leading with illusion… you might start leading with integrity.

And that, my friend, is where the real pride lives—not in being right, but in being real.

References:

  • Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.

  • Brach, T. (2003). Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha.

  • Blanton, B. (1994). Radical Honesty: How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth.

  • Freud, S. (1923). The Ego and the Id.